November 2011
5 posts
“i love going through facebook and deleting friends that i accepted when i was...”
“let’s be boilermakers for halloween next year. nevermind, i forgot…...”
– from straight to gay in a hot minute
October 2011
9 posts
“if i was a three year old, i’d be kicking and screaming about having to go...”
– katie cavarretta
“my ass will be hanging out and you’ll be impersonating a dead...”
– halloween is gonna get weird this year
“-i just googled woolly mammoth to see if i was spelling it correctly and i never...”
September 2011
6 posts
gettin' wilde
i went on a date last night. we hadn’t met before and we were going to grab a drink at 9:00 PM at a restaurant called wilde. let me start off by saying that i hate this place. while the venue is good looking and the space actually boasts an authentic mahogany library with actual books… the food blowz and the service is awful. if you’re not going for a drink, this place is...
“here’s a tip. if you’re leaving the house and you’re wearing...”
July 2011
1 post
June 2011
6 posts
i
i love parentz for three reasons:
1. this past weekend, we celebrated the gays at the pride parade, which was an excellent time. i am so happy about how many people come out to celebrate it — my friends, their parents, and about 750,000 others. i also love that there are so many young families that attend with their children. high five to those parents.
2. one of my colleagues in our...
“i’m not sure what i’ll do. i talked to her about potentially...”
– because sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you don’t
wwcdd?
friend 1: so, i think i just might sleep with him. it's not too soon, is it?
friend 2: it's up to you.
friend 1: i thought you'd say that. i mean, what would countess de lesseps do?
friend 2: oh she'd definitely fuck him.
friend 1: excellent. the countess and i are basically twinzies.
friend 2: basically.
“so, i’m drunk at a chili’s in the charlotte airport waiting for my...”
– as you should
say what?
woman 1: are giraffes extinct?
woman 2: EXTINCT?!
woman 1: yes.
woman 2: no, honey... you mean endangered. extinct means they're like... pterodactyls.
May 2011
7 posts
“i wonder who is going to be a guest on oprah’s last show?! a hundred...”
“i’m not going to bullshit them… i’m going to walk in and say,...”
– charming
“when we walked in, we saw your landlord laying in the stairway flossing her...”
– if you knew who was on the receiving end of this, you’d die.
“do you realize that you just baked a whole cake with your sunglasses on?”
– i’m well aware, thank you.
April 2011
12 posts
“look out, there’s gonna be a vaginal explosion!”
– because sometimes truffle oil will do that to you
“oh my god, look! his turban is the same color as my birkin.”
– no joke. it was.
“this is what my wedding’s going to be like… tons of black 16 year...”
– look out sean combs!
what's going on here?
one of my colleagues pointed-out this afternoon that I have the following items on my desk:
a thundercats pez dispenser with two extra packages of pez candies — one strawberry and one lemon;
a furniture magazine that I was intrigued by at the book store earlier this week;
a bright green water bottle with a dancing pickle on it that says, “carbonated pickle brine”;
a miniature white and...
“-can we have three more margaritas with no salt, on the rocks, and in to-go...”
– please and thank you.
January 2011
2 posts
December 2010
1 post
bang it out
me: katherine just texted me. it's three words: i. got. bangs.
ashley: katherine said that?
me: yes. why?
ashley: i just wouldn't expect her to say that.
me: well, she's been talking about it for awhile.
[long pause]
ashley: okaaay. who did it?
me: someone... probably the person that does her hair. i can't remember who does it.
ashley: the person that does her hair BANGED her?
me: oh my god, ashley. she got BANGS... not BANGED!
November 2010
2 posts
“hey homeless person, how’s that homelessness working out for you?”
– i didn’t say it… i swear